Desire
We live in the world that is shaped by only one thing — desire. Every waking moment of every day in our life, we are driven by nothing but…
“When there is desire the world comes into being right there. Wanting is the birth place of the world. To extinguish wanting is to extinguish the world.” Ajahn Chah
We live in the world that is shaped by only one thing — desire. Every waking moment of every day in our life, we are driven by nothing but desires. Desire to get something that attracts us, desire to avoid something that bothers, repels, or frightens us.
Most of us have never experienced a state where our pursuit of desires were absent. Even when bored and listless, we desire to change that tedious state. There isn’t anything in our world that is not subject to the terror of desires.
Because of that, we find it impossible to conceive of a world where desires are not the main driver of how we feel, what we think, what we say, how we act. Impossible! What else is there but this seemingly endless, constant stream of one desire after the next? Apparently, nothing else is there.
To make things even more absurd, we have an inkling, a sort of a dark and mushy intuition, that there must exist a desire which, once we fulfill it, will stop all other desires from ever attacking us again. We feel as if such Emperor of All Desires truly exists somewhere, and yet no one knows what that desire is, nor where can one find it.
Some think that the Emperor of All Desires is basically a sufficient amount of money. They may go and work on amassing their money, but even after they get lucky and become multi billionaires, they still continue being harassed by the endless stream of desires.
Some think that the Emperor of All Desires is the act of aligning with some supernatural being, or supernatural force. They get born again in Jesus, or they go visit Dalai Lama in Tibet, etc. Still, they find out that it doesn’t help — desires keep coming and coming. Relentless onslaught.
Some think that it’s perfectly fine for desires to keep torturing them; they try to stoically withstand the constant barrage of desires. And yet, the much needed peace of mind is not within their reach.
And of course, some turn to drugs. Heroin. Self-destruction. That ought to put the stop to all those pesky, relentless desires. But no, they find out that drugs only amplify and magnify the onslaught of desires. They get ensnared by their own attempts to escape the dreadful world of desires.
What to do, what to do?
Given such dreadful state of affairs, what is a person to do? We could stick our heads in the sand and pretend that the unstoppable onslaught of desires is not bothering us. We’re just bottling our anger by doing that. Eventually, the bottled up, the pent up pressure will burst out. Not an advisable strategy. Not a pretty sight.
Ignorance is bliss, the old saying reminds us. Yes, but not in this context. Just because we don’t know what’s going on and what to do to stop the torture, doesn’t mean we’re spared.
Here is an exercise I may offer: try to conceive of, try to imagine a state where desires are not prevalent. Can you do it?
Chances are, you cannot do it. Everything in our lives revolves around desires. I am tired, I desire rest. I am well rested, I desire some action. I am bored, I desire entertainment. I am overwhelmed with entertainment and social activities, I desire peace and quiet. I am healthy, I desire to stay that way. I am sick, I desire for sickness to go away. I want to be healthy again. And so on. On and on.
The pendulum swings. Peace of mind is beyond reach.
Ever since I was young, I was always wondering what is it that those liberated, enlightened humans knew that I don’t know? What is it that the Buddha knew that escapes me? Obviously, the Buddha was able to find the way out of this world where people are being constantly pummelled by desires. And not only the Buddha, many other spiritual practitioners managed to solve the conundrum of suffering. What am I missing? What is it that I cannot see?
By studying the Buddha’s words, one quickly realizes that the Buddha’s answer to suffering was the concept of impermanence. OK, impermanence is easy to grasp — it is right in front of our eyes, and it applies to everything. Everything we can perceive, everything we can conceive of, everything we can feel and experience, all those things are easily breakable. Meaning, they are impermanent. There isn’t anything that anyone was ever able to find that would not be impermanent. Everything is breakable.
So, even though all that is crystal clear in my mind, how come I’m still a helpless victim of my desires? I think the answer lies in the deeply rooted hope that by pursuing my desires, I will eventually happen upon the Emperor of All My Desires! Then, everything will be finally settled, and I will be free, never again to be tormented by my desires. And who knows — maybe that Emperor of All Desires is just around the corner?!
Hope springs eternal, as the saying goes. That hope keeps us shackled to the endless circle of becoming and vanishing. What a bloody nuisance!
Ever notice how in the everyday lore all cultures seem to have a lot of consoling words to give to those who are afflicted by some misfortune? In the English language, the most common phrase usually is “that too shall pass”. The sentiment related in those sayings is that things are impermanent, no matter how terrible something might be right now, it is bound to go away. Such reminder is of great consolation to many bereaved people, and it’s such a nice gesture to give and receive such consolation.
All right, so if we find solace in impermanence, and appreciate when someone reminds us that yes, this too shall pass, how come we never hear anyone remind us that this too shall pass when something advantageous happens to us? When we’re oppressed, we desire impermanence. We want the pain to break down and go away. But when we’re on top of the world and everything is coming our way, how come we don’t find solace in impermanence then? Instead, in such moments we hate impermanence, we hate it if someone reminds us that our good fortunes are also breakable and will soon pass.
So, here is the recommended practice that I think will bring the final end to suffering from the desire affliction: when things are looking good for us, refrain from feeling elated. Strive to maintain indifference. Be equanimous (easier said than done, I know).
Can I give an example? Here is one: “OK, so I got this big promotion and a fantastic raise at work, but I will now try not to gloat. I will try to maintain my composure.” I’m sure you’ll be able to come up with a lot of examples from your daily lives.
I’m suggesting this practice because in my experience, no one I know is ever doing it. Everyone is very keen on learning how to maintain their composure when things start going bad for them. But no one wants to abstain from celebrating and jumping for joy when the fortune smiles upon them.
It is in those moments (when we feel special, when we feel blessed) that I see the biggest opportunity to gain entrance into the world of spiritual practice. A practical, hands-on, empirical approach to relieving ourselves from the burden of having constant, and constantly changing desires. An approach to obtaining, and withholding, a true peace of mind.
Does that mean the desires will go away? No, not at all. The desires stay, they keep coming at us. So, what’s the difference then? The difference is that we are not beholden by those desires anymore. We stop being their hostages. We can look at them with ease, and we can let them be. They pass very quickly anyway, no need to chase after them nor latch on to them and drag them around.
Try this practice, and let me know how it’s working for you. Remember, the practice is empirical. It does not expect you to believe in any supernatural forces, etc. It also does not require you to obtain any new knowledge. Just work on yourself, try to catch your mood when things begin to turn your way, and try not to do the celebratory dance when you win. If you manage to do that practice consistently, you will start noticing that the desires that are pestering you are becoming less and less compelling. They will not disappear, they will not slow down, but you will gain the ability to not chase after them. They stop being significant in your life. You will therefore strengthen your muscle that allows you to look at your desire and go “nice, I see you; maybe some other time.”
That way, peace of mind is not beyond reach anymore.